The two most powerful words when we’re in a place of struggle are “me too.”
Good evening tumblr. I don’t quite know what I’m doing up so late. But it feels like lately I’ve been moving non stop without sometime to breathe. I just finished a charrette with my friends and haven’t had much of a relaxation period. It’s time for another late night post to reflect upon life.
The whole experience of my last year of undergrad is getting bittersweet. I feel numb sometimes, like I don’t know how to quite process all of my emotions about this chapter ending in my life. This is probably why I’ve been consuming more alcohol this year - just a result of trying to have fun and forgetting any issues that may be hiding under the rug. Comforting myself - that’s what my counsellor said I was doing - with all the drinks, dinners out, trips, escapades and other ways to run away from responsibilities and certain realities that I don’t want to face. I’m not alcoholic, but this is definitely more beer and wine than I’m used to.
The need to look for a job is starting to creep in as I see my bank account plummeting in figures. Certain financial goals aren’t being quite met… and it is starting to concern me.
Certain pressures are starting to be put onto me… Finishing studio, finishing my portfolio, updating my resume, applying to jobs… Perhaps all this pressure is not really as terrible as it sounds. But I’m clearly not dealing with it so well and I need to start eating away at some of these responsibilities on my plate that I’ve been avoiding.
Although yes I’m numb sometimes and moving fast, there are other times I feel like I’ve been floating around for a lot of this year. Just bobbing around in an ocean and watching others swim by. Possibly with no real sense of direction. I’m feeling like I’m delaying myself, or just trying to soak my last year all in while others are highly anxious and moving at speeds too fast for me.
Perhaps I’m just romanticizing this one chapter in my life too much. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually. It just may end up in a mental implosion of emotion and responsibility or simply a breath out to let go of all things that have passed.
Guy Catling is a graphic designer from Essex, United Kingdom. He mainly uses the art of collage to express his creativity, often blending black and white photographs with vibrant pattern or folk prints. The tones and contrast between sharp colors and vintage photographs bring back to life some dark subject matter.
If your time is not going towards your hopes and dreams then neither are you.